In our yoga retreats we use the elements of nature as an inspiration to bring more balance into our lives. When the element earth is balanced we feel safe, grounded, supported and nurtured. With a strong base we can grow into the person we want to be. What are the pillars in our lives that give us this stability? When I look at my 20 year old self, I was coming from a safe nest, I started to study law and went to work as a tax advisor. This would give me financial security and eventually I would be able to buy my own house and set roots myself. Society already makes this road map for you. You go to school, you go to college, you will get a job, you buy a house, so you can grow your own family. This used to be my image of setting roots…
How I got it all wrong
So I had thickened all of these boxes, but I was unhappy. Before I went to college I was a professional tennis player, this was a true passion of mine. What I loved about it, that I was constantly trying to be a better version of myself. I was focusing on health, getting stronger and finding ways of coming into a flow state. You play tennis at your best when you are completely present. Tennis is as much of a mental game as it is a physical, you are constantly coaching yourself through the match. Your self talk is crucial to how you perform. This is so similar in any aspect of our lives! Now I realize that the aspects I loved about tennis are the same aspects I love about yoga and mindfulness. When I step onto my mat, I get into a flow state, I am completely present. In my daily life, I am always searching for ways to get physically and mentally stronger. Not because I have to, but because I love to. It’s fun getting a better version of who you were before.
Cutting roots is scary
Now my 30 year old self didn’t know what I know now. I really didn’t like the fact I was heading to turning 30. I knew I was ‘off track’ studying law and working as a tax advisor, but at least I had a base right? I had my masters in tax and notary law, I had a well paid job, I could stand on my own legs and with ‘these firm roots’ I found the love of my life Remy. I had it all, I thickened all of these boxes, but I was not happy. Remy is my life’s biggest present from the universe. He’s someone who doesn’t follow society’s dreams, he has his own dreams. Now I am the person who likes dreaming and planning, Remy is someone who actually acts on his dreams. He has a natural ability to have a clear vision and act on it. He suggested we go on a world trip for a year. My first reaction was that that would be impossible. How can I give up my life in Amsterdam? I can not give up my job, my house, leave my friends and family? Even though I was unhappy, cutting my roots was scary. The ego in me said: “You should have your shit together at 30″(whatever that may mean), but the dreamer in me took over and an extremely excited yes to a new adventure started.
Letting go and embracing change
So we gave up our house, our job and said goodbye to our friends and family. With having no plan other than to explore the world together, we took off. At first I had a hard time letting go of not knowing what came after this trip. But the moment I let that go, I could be present and I started to delve into things I absolutely love. I got excited about being in places where they offered delicious healthy food, we kept working out and used it as an opportunity to explore new neighborhoods. We started our yoga teacher training, which was absolutely magical to me. It felt like it all came together, health, personal growth, following intuition and being more conscious about how we want to live. Yoga became a daily practice and it was at the festival Burning Man where the idea came to mind to start a retreat center like Eden.
Financial insecurity while growing a family
How the journey started at Eden you can read here, an absolute rollercoaster, a personal growth journey at its core. We managed to set roots again, this time in Nicaragua. We set roots in a time when there was a political crisis in Nicaragua, which meant no tourism for a year and when Eden picked up from that, Covid hit. This could have been a reason to feel unsafe, but we have never felt unsafe while being here in Nicaragua. With a 1 year old son and twins coming up, this was a time of financial insecurity. We were not sure if we would be able to continue with our dream called Eden. With hardly any flights coming in and out of the country, Eden stayed again empty for a year. So we needed a back up plan. I have always pictured having kids only in a time when I had financial security and now reality was different.
Back to my old roots
Plan B: Living back at my parents house, back to my old roots in The Netherlands, highly pregnant with twins coming up. Although I was super grateful for having my parents as an amazing support, this wasn’t how I pictured myself following my dream. When the twins came, it was a year of pure survival. The kids were the only thing I could focus on, while Remy was working really hard creating a safe and stable environment for us. We managed to find our own place and were able to start a restaurant in the middle of Amsterdam. We still didn’t want to give up on our dream, but a financial back up plan was needed.
What makes me feel safe?
At this moment Eden strives as she has never been before. We are running retreats year round and Eden is exactly the place as how we envisioned it to be. A place where people can retreat, reflect, grow and connect on a deeper level with nature, themselves and like minded people. Check out our blog about the essence of our retreats. I am so proud of the place Eden has become. My point of this blog is that the circumstances don’t determine if I am feeling safe or not. I have thickened all of society’s boxes and wasn’t happy, I set new roots and needed to go back to my old. I have experienced a political crisis and covid and never felt unsafe. The only thing that makes me feel safe comes from within. It’s those moments when I am completely present, when I come back to my breath, when I take care of myself and when I feel the abundance the earth is providing us. That’s when I feel rooted within my own body and home can be anywhere in the world.
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